Sooo...about a bazillion years later, I am writing a blog entry.
Everytime i read Andrew's blog (nothingsentimental.com) I always feel like writing, but never do.
What if i say something embarassing, offend someone or worse, bore the fuck out of any poor sod who happens up on it...? this is what I always think, so I dont write.
i havent traveled recently and for the most part my life is pretty stable. It is horribly stressful right now because of my leaving Bellevue and all the ties that have to be cut, all financial quicksand Im afraid. thanks to God for R, for even if he cant find a solid thing to tell me, somehow, just hearing, It'll be ok, with a strong hand over the back of my leather jacket, helps. The coffee and chain smoking, however, not so much.
I will miss the house and my room mates, but look forward to having a place all to myself. I have only lived alone once, for about 3 months in college, and I loved it more than i could express. It was decadent, like, ben and jerrys strawberry cheesecake ice cream on the beach with shooting stars and well, you get the picture. I can walk around naked as much as i want, as long as i put the shades down, Bathurst and Harbord traffic would get a free show otherwise, I clean up only my own mess and only have myself to worry about for once.
Since September, and as of the middle of this month, my life will have completely changed. Most of my friends are coupled up, and so am I, I have an awesome job which is actually a career and i will be in my OWN apartment. It has all happened so fast.
Im all growed up now i guess. Somehow that doesn't feel as icky as I once thought it would.
I miss some parts of my "old" life, like having copious amounts of free time, followed by more projects than i could handle, followed by copious amounts of free time. Shooting and vj-ing, throwing parties. The period where doing business was between friends and friends of friends. It meant meeting up for coffee and brainstorming ideas for A/V projects and discussing software over sushi. Flyering and wheatpasting, socializing while working, meeting interesting new people, having meetings on the sidewalk outside a club, negotiating pay increases while in a bear hug, storyboarding films while drunk, doing things I didn't think i could and working so hard I thought I would die, then going out for some kind of midnight breakfast at 430am, giddy from pride and exhastion. Looking out over a crowd of happy, dancing people around a graphic designers wet dream of a stage, and proudly saying, we made this. So many things I love about it, but, I also had the stress of not being able to afford to feed myself and make my long and Mcquade payments.
This turned into a pretty epic post.
if i had the brain of a uni student, i would now go back and do this in essay form, but eff that, that's why I went to Sheridan.
Lastly, and certainly not leastly, there is the love life that has gone 180. From a couple of years of being happily alone, a swinging bachelorette (insert some kind of sex and the city comment here), to being happily monogamous. I think I was just ready at the right time for he and i to finally make it happen. It was a long time coming I think. He and I knew eachother for many years beforehand, and the flicker of something between us stayed on the far outskirts of my vision until recently. Almost 6 months later, he still never ceases to amaze me. He is kind, gentle, loving, generous, thoughtful, contentious, well-groomed, sweet, responsible...oh and absolutely wonderful to me. We laugh so much together, it should be illegal and share a sense of humour which I really appreciate. He is also well-read, intelligent, spiritual and the icing on the cake; sexy and adorable, and if I could gush anymore, honey would drip from the screen right now.
ok i think im done.
damn, that was sentimental, sorry andrew, i will mail you a barf bag.
BTW Andrew, if you DO read this, I MISS YOU. End of story.
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